Do You Believe In Soulmates?
by Hero of Olympus in Disguise
Summary: In which Bella Swan finds herself crushing over the Girls Soccer team Captain during the first month of high school.
1. Chapter 1

_I. Am. Pathetic. A crush. On a senior. Really? Way to go._

But a beautiful senior.

 _But she's not perfect._

Is anyone really?

 _She's a senior. I'm a freshman. You're the brain. Do your job._

But I'm the heart.

 _Shut. The. Fuck. Up._

I first saw _her_ on the third day of my first year in high school. She's not perfect. But she's pretty. She's cute. She's just my type. With her blonde hair in that regular ponytail, that laid-back attitude, her athleticism. Her uniform of adidas pants and a hoodie or tee shirt. That watch she seems to always have on her left wrist.

The fact that she always comes up on the morning announcements.

 _Congrats to Senior Captain, Rosalie Hale for scoring two goals during last night's game._

She hangs out in my class during last period, messing around with two of my classmates, her fellow teammates.

 _Those lucky bastards._

"I saw this in my car and was like, what the hell? Who does this belong to? And then looked through it and found your name and I realized this is yours!" The laugh that followed from those lips of hers forced a blush to rise from my neck to my cheeks.

 _Lucky bastard. Why were you in her car?_

Why does _she_ get to laugh with _her?_

 _Is she even into girls?_ Alice once asked.

 _I don't know,_ I had replied.

My fist clenched.

So did my heart.

 _Fuck._ I cursed in my head as I had pressed down too tightly on my pencil. The point broke. I pulled out a pen and continued to work.

 _It's just a pathetic crush that'll possibly go away once she graduates._

Once she graduates.

 _Shit._ Only nine months left.

 _Nine months._

I have nine months to either avoid her or suck it up and befriend her.

 _Avoid her. Less chances of embarrassing yourself._

But then I'll regret it.

 _You'll also regret confronting her. Possible embarrassment. You said so yourself, you don't know if she's even into girls. Much less you._

I closed my eyes, breathed in, opened them.

She was right there.

In my reach.

In _her_ reach.

A foot away from me.

An inch away from her.

 _Is she dating anyone?_ asked Alice when I told her of my crush.

 _I don't know._

 _Duck your head. Don't let her see you. She doesn't know of your existence. Keep it that way._

"Bella. Do you have chapter three?"

Heads turned to me as the teacher asked for my work. I cleared my throat, set down my pen, and snuck a glance toward her.

She wasn't paying attention.

There was a sigh of relief. Then, a wave of hopelessness.

 _Not even when my name is basically called into her ear does she turn._

I brought the teacher my binder, watching as he made a check mark next to my name. I walk back to my seat.

 _Listen, Swan—_

No. _You_ listen you fucking bastard. No. Just no. Take your—our?—mind off of the soccer player and forget her. Please. I can't—I can't. She's out of my league. No. Stop. Please.

My soul sighs. My heart stutters, as if it were hesitating. My mind veers sharply away from soccer player land and focuses back on the work.

 _Just for now,_ and I know that later I will have to confront my feelings.

* * *

"Hey, hey," my best friend—Alice—greeted me as I walked her to lunch. I had biology right about now, but my teacher is always late. "Today's character day! Maybe a special someone dressed up," she raised her eyebrows suggestively. I blush.

We enter the cafeteria, Alice and I laughing along to one of her stories. We reach her table and right in front of us, is her. Alice just simply sits down, setting her backpack down, turning to face me, to continue her story.

I am already gone.

The image of cute rounded glasses, a blue shirt with the superman logo, black jeans, a white—flannel?—coat?— _thing_ over her shoulders.

 _Fuck. I'm drooling._

"Bella? The answer, Miss?"

I'm lost. Emmett—my brother—elbows me and repeats the question.

* * *

The bell rings, and I find myself waiting for Alice so we could walk to our next class together. Emmett is beside me, when I see a blonde ponytail, a blue tee with white over it. My heart stops. So does my body.

She's _hot. cute. adorable. sexy?_ everything.

I turn on my heel, walking up the stairs like a soldier running from hell, turn, and find her walking up the steps also. She doesn't see me.

 _But damn I see her._

"Bells! Wait up!" She turns and sees Emmett, stepping aside to let him through. I pull my hood up a bit to cover my neck and speed walk the rest of the way to class.

My mind is Still. On. Her.

I'm day-dreaming throughout the class.

* * *

"Did you see her or something?"

"Yeah," I gulp. I look up and— _oh, God!_ I mentally groan.

Goddamn woman. How much better can you get?

A pencil is tucked behind her ear. Alice giggles and points, "Is that her?"

Jesus, I need new friends.

Rosalie whips her head my way, and I duck. I scowl and shove Alice along, telling her to keep walking. Emmett laughs and throws an arm around my shoulders. I turn to sneak a glance at—as Alice has dubbed her—my dream girl.

 _She's already walking away._

Emmett pats my shoulder.

* * *

 _Do you believe in soulmates?_

The question swirls in my mind from one of my classes.

 _No,_ I scribble down. _I believe that I am more capable of loving some more than others, but I do not believe that one person out of the 7.6_ billion _people in this world is made for me and me only._

 _I mean, what are the odds?_

 _Even if I were to find my—though I do not believe they exist— "soulmate," what reassurance do I have that that one love will stay? With all the obstacles fait is surely going to throw at us, what guarantees my happily ever after?_

 _Exactly._

 _My opinion may be a bit biased—if you find my mom tell her Dad and I are still waiting for her to return with the milk—due to the relationship—or lack of, therefore—between my mother and father._

 _What are soulmates, really?_

 _If they were real, what's divorce? What's unrequited love? What's heartbreak?_

Why _does_ divorce _exist?_ Why _does_ unrequited love _need_ _to exist?_ Why _does_ heartbreak _exist?_

Why?

* * *

 **Ali: so… I have a confession.**

 **Bells: What is it?**

 **Ali: so, during lunch I may or may not have hit your girl in the face.**

 **Bells: I'm not following.**

 **Ali: remember when you and emmett said you guys were gonna give my number out to some senior? Yeah well I have lunch with Rosalie so Jaz helped me out. I wrote your phone number down on a sheet of paper and he crumbled it. I threw the paper ball back and it may or may not have hit your girl in the face.**

 **Bells: First off, she's not** _ **mine.**_ **Second off…**

 **You**

 **Did**

 **What?**

 **Ali: sorry! I thought you and Emmy really did it! So after her friends made sure Rosalie was okay, they opened the paper and—please don't kill me—they read your number.**

I set my phone down.

 **Bells: Alice I swear to all the greater beings out there if I get a text from an unknown number…**

 **Ali: but they only took a peek and then when they saw it was a number they threw it out.**

 _Well, so much for hope._

The whole night, I waste. I am awake and I am checking my unread messages—zero of them—waiting for that unknown number I want so desperately to know by heart.

The message never came.

 _So much for hope._

* * *

A month passes.

I am still avoiding her.

She still doesn't know of my existence.

I am still pathetic.

She is still in the morning announcements.

Nothing's changed.

But.

 _But._

 _Eight months left._

 _Fuck._ Time flies.

 _What do I do?_ Talk about a Catch 22.

 _Avoid her,_ is the first response my introvert self says. _Avoid her cause, God, you've been hurt enough._

 _Maybe pain is worth the friendship?_

 _She's not into girls. You're looking for a relationship with her some day. She's moving onto college. You're going to be a sophomore. See the picture?_

Yes, brain. I do.

My soul whines.

It's Friday and the prep rally took over the last two periods. My phone now has twenty seven new photos and videos. The star of each and every one of them?

You've guessed it.

Call me obsessed, I don't _freaking care anymore._ This might as well be my first and very last crush in my life.

Let's make it last.

Not like she knows anyway.

I mean, some pictures and videos _don't_ have her in it.

I'm not a creep.

I've tried to see next year, my future, but every time I close my eyes I see that smile. That _earth shattering_ smile that I have _never_ been the cause of.

It hurts.

It hurts because I know she won't be there.

And goddamn it woman get your _fucking shit_ together because you've never held a conversation with the girl. Better yet, you've never even made eye contact.

Time flies. Time is still flying. I know only have _eight? eight and a half?_ months left. I should have decided the first month, but I am an idiot. And now, now I must decide.

Avoid her.

Or become an—at the least—an acquaintance.

 _Do you believe in soulmates?_

 _No, because then Love wouldn't be so beautifully cruel. So brutal. So selfish and self-destructive._

 _Love wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't be hard to find._

 _No, because then everyone would be happy. And I believe it's a good thing they don't exist because then if everyone is happy no one is happy._

 _You're welcome._

I have come up with a decision.

I shall avoid her, and moreover, avoid the embarrassment of being a female freshman crushing on the captain of the girls soccer team.

 _Eight. Months._

Tick tock.

 **Sucks. I know, sorry. Just wanted to post something and to help with my bored mind. I'll post a new chapter for my other stories soon. Have you ever had a crush on a senior as a freshman/sophomore? What're your thoughts on soulmates? Wanna make me laugh? Leave a review (please)!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Special thanks to my muse, who reminded me of this story. I know she's reading this, so thanks. I apologize ahead of time for any and all mistakes.**

Rosalie Hale was going to be the death of Bella Swan.

Or, rather, her luscious blonde hair.

Or maybe it would be the slight sway of her hips as she walks away.

No, maybe it was her athleticism. Yes. It had to be that. Her femininely toned muscle, her tall stature.

No. It was her eyes. Bella was _sure_ it was Rosalie's eyes that would be the end of her.

(It's definitely her voice— _oh,_ her voice. It sure stirred things deep within Bella's lower belly.)

Whatever her end may be, Bella knew one thing for certain. She was going to be _so frustratingly single_ when it is her time to be six feet under. _God,_ she must've either had the best luck ever in her previous life or maybe she killed someone important to deserve this unfortunate hand in her current lifetime.

 _My_ God. _That voice. Those lips. Those curves. That skill. Her fingers. Her eyes. Oh!_ _Her eyes. What I would give to have her just_ look _at me. Just one time. One second. I'll burn it to memory, immortalize it onto paper—_

"You're staring."

" _Emmett."_

"Okay. Okay. Sorry. Yeesh, Ms. Grumpy. So, when's the wedding?"

Bella spent a few precious moments deadpanning at her idiotic brother. _"What?"_ She hissed, having been distracted making sure no one was aware of her obvious affection towards the (now basketball _and_ lacrosse) captain. _Damn,_ Bella allowed her thoughts to stray, _is there anything she_ can't _do?_

"Hello? Ms. Future Hale? When can I expect the wedding invitation to arrive?" Emmett snickered as Alice gave a small, cut-off snort. Jasper offered Bella a sympathetic smile as she continued to deadpan toward her brother. "Emmett," she started, "we _live together._ If there was anything you need to be invited to, I'd just hand it to you, stupid."

"Shit. That's not gonna work out, bro. I can't live with newlyweds. All those nights of sleep I'll be losing!"

" _Emmett!_ Shut. Up. She's _right there,_ literally two-freaking-feet away from you! Quiet down!"

"Well, gee. You're the one yelling now, Bells," her brother mumbled. Bella sighed as she let her head fall to her hands, her elbows resting on the lunch table. "I'm sorry. I didn't get much sleep last night."

In her haste to apologize to her friends and brother, Bella failed to see Rosalie Hale looking up from her phone to steal a quick, longing, glance at the brunette.

Alice, however, did not. And the little pixie could not hold back the smile that took over her whole face for the rest of the period.

 _ **. . .**_

"I'm making lasagna for dinner. Any requests?"

"Extra cheese please!"

"Anything else?"

"Oh, Dad said he won't be able to make it for dinner today and to not wait up. Sorry, sis."

Bella sighed. Grabbing a red sharpie, she crosses out the current day on the calendar. She steps back and sweeps her eyes across the white paper.

"That's the eighth day in a row," she murmurs to herself and proceeds to make a three-layered lasagna—extra cheese (please).

(With extra sauce.)

(Just the way her father and Emmett like it.)

 _ **. . .**_

"Did you take a dip in a lake?"

"Hardy-har-har. You're so hilarious. _No._ My bus pass just _so_ conveniently decided to _stop working_ so I had to _walk_ to school."

Alice winced as her friend wrung her jacket and hair, a puddle of rainwater quickly forming beneath her. She shook her head, pulled Bella's sopped hoodie off, and offered her the spare hoodie she always kept in her backpack. _For fashion emergencies,_ she'd always say.

"Thanks. Now I just need a jacket to be able to get back home later…"

Alice's eyes sparkled as she remembered the longing looks the blonde senior had cast toward her brunette friend on multiple occasions now.

"Who knows," she shrugs as she loops her arm through her friend's, "maybe _Rosalie_ will take the jacket off her back and place it on yours." Although the thought of the senior girl doing such a thing for such a _lowly freshman_ seemed utterly impossible, Bella's heart fluttered and stuttered and jumped at the prospect of such an act. 

"I thought we already established that comedy is not a strong suit for you?"

Alice shrugged. "Thought I should give it a shot one last time before throwing in the towel."

"Ah, well, thank God for that," Bella dramatically looked up and whispered a _"thank you God for bringing painless life to my ears."_ Alice shook her head at her friend's humor. "Admit it," she said, "your ingenious mind is making up a _million_ different scenarios where she notices and offers you a ride home, isn't it?"

Bella's heart rate quickens, her blush rapidly rises from her neck to cheeks to ears, and she bows her head in an effort to hide her flushed face. Her mind reels to a stop, and she can't fight off the smile that spreads at her thoughts _and_ her friend's small snicker.

 _ **. . .**_

" _So I will be pairing two to three of you guys with one senior student, and they will be…"_

Bella watched in utter horror as _the_ Rosalie Hale lined up along with seven other senior students.

"You wanna switch places?" Emmett—oh thank the heavens for Emmett—caught on to the pattern of the teacher's pairing, and he too realized if Bella stayed in her spot she would be placed with Rosalie. Bella gulped, weighed her options, the outcomes, and nodded, discreetly trading spots with her brother. She sighed a breath of relief before another train of thought crashed within her.

She was going to have to _interact._ With _seniors. In front_ of her _senior crush._ She looked over at Emmett. _Good luck,_ he mouthed. She nodded her head in response.

 _ **. . .**_

" _What's your name?"_

" _B-Bella. Bella Swan."_

" _Hi, Bella. No need to worry, I don't bite. So I'm going to be showing you three today how to…"_

 _ **. . .**_

 _She was actually getting the hang of this._

She had managed to perform her task without any hiccups. Of course, when her "mentor" began playfully bickering with the senior across from them, and, in turn, Rosalie herself, she had been glad that she was able to turn the task over to her fellow freshmen. The last period of the day had been going well, splendid, in fact, until, sadly, Emmett _had_ to be Emmett.

And, suddenly, both classes erupted into laughter.

Emmett, the young boy he is, had shoved something entirely into his mouth. Bella was too busy to fuss over her most-probably choking brother, too captured in the sound of an angel's laugh. Bella herself was trying hard to not laugh, absolutely _despising_ the simple sound of her own voice, and dropped her head down to look at her lap, where her hands rested.

 _When's the last time I cut my nails? Gotta get on that. Hopefully tonight._

"Poor kid. What would he do that to himself for?"

The laughter around her rose in volume as the senior class teacher forced Emmett to spit out whatever he shoved into his mouth into a garbage can.

"Just, just why? That was pretty stupid."

"Yeah, stupid, but hilarious!"

Blonde tresses swayed as the girl shook her head. Bella's heart stopped.

She was looking _straight at her._ A nervous chuckle slipped past her lips.

 _Traitor,_ she reprimanded her mouth. Her hand went up to rub the back of her neck when Rosalie repeated her earlier inquiry. _I don't even know,_ was what the brunette supplied, lost in the girl's blue depths. When Rosalie turns, effectively breaking eye contact, a shiver crawls up Bella's spine. She's snapped back into reality when her classmate asks if she's okay, _you're a bit red._ She laughs it off and stands to assist Emmett.

Her heart is still pounding against her ribs and her blood is rushing through her veins, before:

 _Oh my God, we made eye contact. We. Made. Eye. Contact. I made eye contact. With Rosalie._ The _Rosalie Hale. Ohmygod._

The smile couldn't be wiped off her face even if a truck crashed into her.

 _ **. . .**_

"So what I'm hearing is, _'thank you oh dear brother Emmett. I owe you my life. My soul. My being!'_ "

"Um, no. Do you need to get your ears checked? I've been meaning to make our yearly appointment. I never said anything of that context. I… didn't even say _your name._ Or anything about my soul—you know what, I'll call the doctor."

Emmett laughed at his sister's antics. "Dude, you _totally_ owe me. I just hooked you up! For life!"

Bella scoffed, closing the key for hot water.

"Hey, so. When are you going to tell Dad? Do you even plan on telling him?"

Bella played ignorant as she washed the dishes. "Tell him what?"

Emmett put away the now dried dishes. "You know. That you're… into girls. Like me. What are you, by the way?"

Bella shrugged. "Bi? Gay? I don't know. I'm… just now figuring myself out. And I don't really want Dad to know, okay?"

"Of course."

 _ **. . .**_

"Jaz, have you noticed a certain blonde looking at Bella the way she looks at _a certain blonde?_ "

"Hm?"

"Rosalie, Jaz. I'm talking about Rosalie. Have you noticed her looking at Bella? Does she talk about her?"

"Alice, you _know_ you shouldn't play with things like this. If it's meant to happen, it's meant to happen. Let it be."

Alice sighs. "Okay. I just hope the ending makes Bella happy."

 _ **. . .**_

"Yo, Vera!" When the girl failed to respond, Royce King whisper-shouted a bit louder. "Veronica!"

Bella tried her absolute best to ignore the conversation going on beside her, her eyes sticking to her paper religiously. Up front, Rosalie Hale struck a conversation with Bella's teacher, informing him of a favor Rosalie's teacher was asking of him.

"You're that girl's best friend, right?"

From the edge of her peripherals, Bella saw Vera nod once. "Yeah, so?"

"Be honest," Royce started, Bella clenched her fist and ground her teeth, turning to pretend to ask Angela for an eraser. "Is she gay? Deadass, though."

 _If she didn't tell you, perhaps she doesn't want you to know, you filthy, rumor-spreading, compensating prick—_

"Rose? Yeah, she's gay. You didn't know?"

From behind a growling Bella, Royce's lackey, Tweedle-Doo, as Bella likes to call him, scoffed. "She just hasn't found the right man yet. I don't get that gay shit, there's a reason why a woman and a man is needed to have a child."

"Right?" Royce agreed, the three scoundrels unaware of Bella's brewing anger. From beside her, Angela supportingly rested her hand on Bella's shoulder, reminding her that they were in class. "Low key though, I'd definitely bang her. I guess she's pretty, what do you think?"

 _She's gorgeous, beautiful, otherworldly, a goddess—_

"If she wore makeup and actually dressed up, I think I'd be attracted to her," Tweedle-Doo shrugged.

Bella's growls took an almost animalistic turn, her fingernails close to drawing blood from her palms.

— _and you three don't even deserve to live in the same_ universe _as her._

Tweedle-Dumb watched perversely as Rosalie walked out of the class, a new roll of tape in her hand, presumably for her teacher. "What do you think? Do I stand a chance?"

"Nah, bro. She needs a _man_ , like me. I'd definitely rock her world, and then some. I'd tap that so hard, whoever pulled me out would be crowned King." **(1)**

Vera just chuckled it off, shaking her head and saying a halfhearted "you guys are the worst". She continued to clarify the sexuality of the seniors she was friends with.

Bella nearly punched the three of them to oblivion.

She and Angela were the first out of class once the bell rung.

(Emmett made sure to "playfully" rough up the boys and embarrass them during gym. Alice made sure to mess up Vera's clothing and makeup, even going as far as to "accidentally" tip over Vera's bag, all of its contents spilling out. This and similar happenings continued for the rest of the school year.)

(Not once did Bella hear them speak of it again.)

 _ **. . .**_

She's staring, again.

The sun had decided to show, today. The weather a pleasant seventy degrees. That's how Bella found herself outside on the school's small field, laying down on the cool grass with her hoodie on, the hood up to block the sun from her eyes. Her head rested on Alice's lap, the shorter girl sitting up to complete some homework she had left for last minute. Emmett was playing football with some friends just a few feet ahead of them, his athleticism allowing him to easily keep any ball from hitting the two resting girls. Students were scattered about here and there, Angela stuck in the library for an upcoming exam.

They were ten minutes into the period when a new, small wave of students joined the ones already outside.

Among them: Rosalie Lillian Hale.

This startled Bella, the scene causing her to shoot up like a bullet into a seating position, her back straight and her eyes wide. She looked frantically to Alice for help, Emmett too far into the game to notice Rosalie's presence. Alice looked on helplessly as Rosalie formed a circle with a few friends, bumping around a volleyball.

Bella was enraptured with the view, Rosalie's powerfully lean arms on display in her soccer jersey, muscular forearms, shoulders, and biceps getting a chance to show off to the portion of the student body present. Torturously long, thin fingers splayed beneath the ball when the need for an overhead bump arose, teasing Bella and others. Bella watched in awe at the skillful display offered by none other than her crush.

Embarrassingly, heat flooded to Bella's core, creating a pleasant warmth there.

Alice sighed for her love-struck friend, slinging an arm over Bella's shoulders. She was just about to offer her best friend some words of wisdom when a white ball came hurtling toward them, a shriek coming out of her, curling inward. Bella's hand shot out in sheer instinct, tapping the ball to set it off course before being able to catch it, smirking at Alice who rolled her eyes, straightening herself out. For a moment Bella allowed for her guard to be let down, a small laugh fighting its way out of her as Alice harrumphed and straightened invisible creases out of her yellow dress.

"Sorry about that, are you two alright?"

Gulping, Bella internally shrieked, her outward features remaining calm and collected. She looked up, her eyes squinting slightly against the sun shining in her eyes. "Um, yeah," she said nervously, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand. She stood to be at eye level with her crush, the blonde girl's blue eyes just a centimeter above her own brown ones. "It-it's fine. We're alright, thanks. Uh, here you go," she thrust her hand out, returning the ball to the blonde beauty before her.

Rosalie gave a small chuckle in reply, grabbing the volleyball, her nimble fingers barely brushing against Bella's as they twitched with the urge to brush the brunette's hair back. The small contact sent Bella spiraling, she swore she would faint if it were possible to pass out of sheer happiness. Maybe it was. Bella wasn't willing to find out, not at this moment, no.

"Thanks," Rosalie said, gesturing to the ball now in her hands. "Sorry again."

"No problem!" Alice chirped from where she sat, smile as wide as the crescent moon. Once Rosalie was jogging away, Alice turned to Bella, squealing with excitement. Bella, on the other hand, groaned, slapping her forehead with her palm.

"She heard me _laugh_ , Ali. There's no going back from that, there isn't. That's it," she slumped, sitting back down. "I'm gonna bury a hole and live in it. I'm never climbing out, Alice, I'm sorry. You'll just have to find a new shopping slave now."

Alice allowed her jaw to hang open. "What?!" She asked incredulously. "What? Wait, what, no, no no no," she shook her head. " _Bellllaaaa,_ you can't do that to me! You're the only one out of the two of us who has arms long enough to carry all those bags! _And_ you're the one with the truck! Please, Bella, please. This is not right. I object! I disagree! I-I, I. I the-opposite-of-concur! It took me _forever_ to find the perfect shopping slave, you! I couldn't replace you even if I wanted to," Alice rambled, fighting over custody of her shopping slave.

"Nope, sorry pal. Ain't happening. The babies are mine and I will not allow you to abuse them, the poor things. I exercise my right of freedom. Also, I need them to be able to dig that hole later."

"But I need them," Alice clutched desperately to one of Bella's arms. The taller girl struggled to keep a straight face. "Please, I'll do _anything_ , just don't take them away from me!" Alice dramatically begged.

Bella didn't last much longer, busting out into controlled laughter over their banter.

Alice always did know how to make her feel better.

 _ **. . .**_

Bella doesn't know how it happens. One minute, her and Emmett are watching television and laughing like the good twins they are, the next Charlie is home. And then, Bella finds herself with tears streaming down her face and she can just _feel_ Emmett pacing in his room, like a caged animal waiting to be let out.

Bella doesn't know how Charlie found out, doesn't know who told him, how they told him, what they told him and when they did.

But someone told Charlie, or, somehow, he found out. This, Bella knows.

Because one second Bella is laughing and the next she is begging for her father to understand her, his daughter, her, Bella Swan who would laugh at his horrible dad jokes and cry with her brother, for her brother.

But he's not understanding, he can't, how can he. And he's blinking blankly as he asks his questions, emotionless.

Bella's chest feels as empty as Charlie's eyes look, in that moment.

"Do you… do you want to be a boy? How does this work? You're _fifteen,_ for Christ's sake! You're too young to know this, don't you think?"

"No, dad. I don't—I don't want to be a boy. I, I'm sorry. It's just. I've never felt like _me._ I didn't know liking girls was an option before, I just. I don't know, dad. But this is how I feel, I'm still me! I promise you, I'm still me. I'm still the little girl who would play hide and seek with the stray cat. I'm still that little girl who would make shapes out of clouds and call them my friends and talk to them and play games with them. I'm still me, dad, _please_ see that."

But Charlie's shaking his head, he simply doesn't understand.

"You… you're… gay, now?"

"Dad—" Bella chokes out, her heart caving in and rotting. He isn't supposed to know, wasn't supposed to find out. She's _not ready_ for him to know yet. _She's_ not ready for _anyone_ to know, yet. She was still trying to figure herself out, she just wasn't ready. For any of this, she wasn't ready. Unprepared, she hated being unprepared. She always loved to go in with a game plan. Charlie finding out… this wasn't part of the plan, he's too early. It's too early. She's not ready for it, he's not supposed to know. She's the one who's supposed to tell him, not some unknown entity who decided to play God and tell Charlie themselves. Bella can feel a pressure build up in the base of her throat. She feels naked, stripped bare before her father. She feels weak, vulnerable, cut open for everyone to see. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be comfortable, confident in who she is. She was supposed to be _ready,_ to be _sure,_ to have a _plan._

"Would you be the… the boy, in the relationship?"

"Dad," Bella gives a watery chuckle, the vulnerable feeling becoming stronger than her confusion. "That's not how it works, not everything needs to be so… heteronormative."

"But that's how it is, Isabella!" Charlie stands now, cheeks red with frustration. Bella flinches at the use of her full name. "That's why there's a _man,_ and there's a _woman. Someone_ needs to be more dominant than the other, there needs to be someone who makes all the calls and who takes care of the other. A man of the house. That's how every relationship works, even the gay ones. There's always one who's more feminine than the other, and one more masculine than the other. So which are you?"

"Charlie," Bella gives a small sniffle, swallowing a sob, "that's not how it _works._ There can be a more masculine girl with a more feminine girl, but a feminine girl can be with a feminine girl and a masculine girl can be with a masculine girl. Same with the guys. We're all _equals_ , dad. Some guys like girls a bit masculine, tomboyish, some guys like girls that are girly. There doesn't _need_ to be a 'man of the house'."

"Which— which, are you, Isabella? Are you one of those girls who go around dressed as a man, or will you be one of those girls who stick to their role and dress as a woman should? Or do you wish to be a boy? I need to know. Do I have one boy runnin' 'round my house, or do I have two?"

Bella clenched her fists, small sobs breaking through her shaky lips. Charlie wasn't ready, she wasn't ready.

 _God,_ what a mess this was.

"Charlie, I'm not—"

"Maybe you're just confused, Bella. I've heard of stuff like this. You're just so young, and confused. You're going through things, it's expected to think these type of things. You're such a passionate person, Bells. Maybe you feel bad with what those type of people are going through, and you sympathize for them. And maybe because of that sympathy you're confusing yourself for one of them, rather than just an ally. Your mother was like this at your age too. You dress just the way she did, but that didn't make her gay. She was as straight as a ruler. She's never had any attraction to girls, and she wasn't very feminine, just like you. Maybe you're just confusing yourself, sweetheart. If you want to support the gays, I'm fine with that. I think it's good that you want to help them earn their rights and stuff."

Bella closes her eyes, a simultaneous emptiness and heaviness in her chest.

Bella doesn't know how Charlie found out, but she does her best to convince him she's as straight as her mom was.

Charlie wasn't ready for this.

Neither was Bella.

Bella feels stripped bare in front of her father, and she feels as though he's given her clothing, making her disguise who she really is in order to satisfy him.

The clothes is itchy and too constricting. It's too uncomfortable, but they're her only safety. In today's society, everyone wears clothing similar to the what she wears now, she supposes it's better to blend in than to be stripped bare and cut open for everyone to dissect.

(It wouldn't do anyone good to see her wounded heart, shriveled and oozing with black blood, an imprint of her parents' fists left behind on it.)

 _ **. . .**_

After her coming out, Charlie asked Sue Clearwater to buy Bella some clothing, every item exclusively from the woman's department, not masculine in the slightest. She now had to look for his approval if she were to buy something, and she made sure not to ask for anything too tomboyish. If she looked at anything masculine enough, Charlie would once again question her gender identity.

Bella would forever mark this year as the year she wasn't herself, never feeling free to be who she is. Not around her father, whom she had expected to understand.

The title of family had shifted over to Alice, Angela, Emmett and Jasper, who all made sure she was _only_ who she wanted to be when she was with them.

She couldn't ask for a better, more loving family.

Charlie would continue to remind her that _"I spoke to professionals, and they agree that you're too young to know anything for a fact, right now"_.

Bella would continue to bleed black.

Everyone would continue to be blind.

.

.

.

Rosalie's blue eyes remained observing, all-knowing.

 _ **. . .**_

Bella sighed as Charlie once again complained about a pair of boots she had been observing.

They were out along with Emmett, who had claimed he needed a new pair of cleats for football season. They'd entered this large shoe store, ranging from shoes to boots. As Emmett browsed the football section, Bella moved to the boot section, searching for anything that would catch her eye.

And something had. A leather-brown pair of classic desert boots. She began to mentally count the amount of money she had saved up from her last few paychecks, and decided that buying one pair wouldn't hurt too much. Charlie had caught her looking for her size in the men's section, the woman's version not having a cushion in the sole like the men's did. Both looked exactly the same, no one would have been able to tell the difference. Bella was only searching through the men's section for comfort rather than to spite Charlie.

"I thought you said you'd stop shopping in the men's section," Charlie ground out, obviously annoyed with Bella's insistence.

Bella turned on her heel to face her father. "No, Charlie. I said I wouldn't go dressing as a man, but as my father, shouldn't you accept me for who I am? Maybe you're right, maybe in the future I won't identify as gay or bi or trans, but as straight, but right now I feel like I'm bisexual and why can't that be valid? Why do I have to wait a couple of years for you to accept how I feel?"

"I'm just tryna help you, Bella. Not everyone is going to accept you and understand like I do. You're going to meet people who will physically object to your… lifestyle. I'm just trying to prepare you for the real world."

"I understand that, Charlie. I do," Bella didn't, "but why can't I feel safe in my own home? Why am I not accepted in my own home? If I'm not accepted by my own family, then who _will_? Who can I expect to accept me and my 'lifestyle'?"

Charlie faltered, flushed with embarrassment from the lingering looks they were receiving.

Emmett stepped between the two, two boxes in his arms. He was actively glaring at his father, upset with the emotions he insisted on rousing within his twin. Shaking his head, he grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her forward. Bella felt a great surge of gratitude, the small gesture restoring her faith and hope. It showed that Emmett would never be ashamed of her, always be on her side, and accepted her and considered her feelings valid. That's all she could ask for.

Later that night, he would present her with a shoebox. Within the shoebox, would be a pair of the boots she had been looking at in her size.

They had the cushion in the sole.

Inside one of the boots, was a small index card. In Emmett's messy scrawl, it read:

" _I accept you."_

Bella cried from relief.

 _ **. . .**_

They're playing a very fast version of the card game Spit, the two of them having played with one another so many times they don't bother to hold back. They're both laughing, Alice slipped up and accidentally put the wrong card in the wrong pile, groaning when Bella grinned and placed five of her cards in Alice's deck, a little twist they had added to the game.

"Ha!" Bella exclaimed, repeatedly slamming the table playfully with her hand, emphasizing the lack of cards on her side. "I win! You lose! How's it feel to lose?" Alice stuck her tongue out.

The two continued to banter.

No one noticed the small smile present on a blonde's face, her blue eyes glowing with mirth. She returned her gaze to her phone when Bella looked up.

 _ **. . .**_

This was it. Graduation day, for the seniors, of course. Bella sighed as she skipped through several channels. Her mind kept wondering off to the graduation currently taking place. She imagined Rosalie in a wonderful dress, walking down the isle to accept her diploma.

The vision was truly heart-wrenching.

Soon, Rosalie would be off to an amazing university that would lead to an amazing life with an amazing wife and kids, probably. Most likely. Rosalie would make a great mother, Bella believed.

Despite the unlikeliness that Rosalie Lillian Hale, of all people, would ever return Bella's feelings, Bella felt a great loss at the mere thought of Rosalie leaving.

Alice looked on sadly at her friend's pain. Poor Bella had to deal with the heartbreak of her first crush and unfortunately for her friend she seemed to be the type to fall _hard._ Charlie's obvious hesitance in accepting her only made to worsen this crush, since not only was it Bella's first _crush_ , but it was also Bella's first _gay crush_. Alice couldn't help but wince at her friend's misfortune. She had noticed Bella's struggle lately, refusing to have pictures taken of herself. Alice was willing to bet it was simply because of the image Bella portrayed, an image she did not want to be. She clearly wanted to dress differently and act differently, and Alice supposed that it would make sense she didn't like any pictures taken of her current self. She wondered briefly if Charlie's opinions played a major role in Bella's—for lack of a better term—body dysphoria, and wished dearly there was more she could do to help her friend. Emmett and Jasper too noticed Bella's uncomfortableness with her own self. Alice would have to ask Jasper later for his opinion. He was, after all, studying psychology and would serve a slightly more professional opinion.

 _ **. . .**_

Bella huffed out a breath as she reached for the box of pasta, irritated that the store had placed the box _just_ out of her reach.

It's been a few weeks since the graduation, Bella's crush running just as strong as it had months ago. She had taken to watching more movies and eating more ice cream than usual. Alice, the ever-loving sugar monster she is, gleefully encouraged the ice cream marathon. She'd even bring Bella pints of new flavors to try. Bella shook her head at the memory.

Trying one last time to reach for the box, and failing once again, Bella gave up with the task, apologizing to her craving that there would be no pasta-eating today. Not unless she could drag Emmett away from the court and into the grocery store, at least.

"Hi, need help?"

Bella looked up into sparkling teeth and then glowing eyes, a small smile fighting its way onto her own face. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Bella looked down nervously and nodded.

Her helper brought down two boxes, handing them over to her without any effort.

"Thanks," Bella stuttered out, placing the boxes into her basket.

"No problem. I'm Rosalie."

Surprisingly, Bella's heart was serenely calm, as though Rosalie's presence helped soothe every part of her. "Hi, Rosalie," she said, unable to hide the smile on her face. She stuck out a hand to shake, "I'm Bella."

Shaking her hand, Rosalie smiled at Bella.

 _ **. . .**_

Pulling out the last piece from the box, Bella placed down the photo on her shared nightstand, smiling fondly at it.

Within the photo she saw a slightly younger version of herself, dressed in a pair of men's leather trench boots, dark wash jeans, a plain black tee-shirt with an unbuttoned white shirt and the sleeves neatly folded up to show off her forearm muscles and single rose tattoo, she was smiling and happy as can be, the smile reaching her eyes and unrestrained. Un-shy. Confident and utterly her. Behind her was a goofy Emmett, arms out wide as he made some wild gesture behind her and the other two. To her left, was a giddy Alice wearing a flowing yellow sundress, half of her face hidden behind a large blob of cotton candy. Her eyes crossed to look down at the sugary treat, but the crinkle around her eyes made it obvious she was smiling madly. To her right, was another girl with Bella's arm slung over her shoulders. The girl had an arm around Bella's waist, head tilted to rest on her shoulder. Also in a sundress, the girl's beauty was unparalleled, unique and outstanding. Her blonde hair cascaded down her back and over her shoulders beautifully, and her wide smile and sparkling eyes only added to her beauty. Rosalie seemed to be on the verge of laughing, probably at something Jasper, who was taking the photo, had said to Emmett.

Two strong arms wrapped around her from behind, a chin placed neatly on her shoulder. Rosalie gently moved Bella's hair to her other shoulder, gently kissing Bella's neck a few times before pulling the slightly shorter girl in closer.

Bella allowed her body to lean back into the embrace, closing her eyes to cherish the moment.

Rosalie once again nestled her chin on top of Bella's shoulder, looking at the picture Bella had been observing just moments ago atop their shared nightstand. Both women sighed in content, their bodies supporting one another.

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" Bella murmured softly, love and joy present in her voice.

Rosalie tightened her grip on her girlfriend, tearing her gaze away from one of many photographs and placing it on the girl in her arms. They shared a chaste kiss.

"And we still have a long way to go," she said, smiling.

"Together?"

Rosalie intertwined their fingers, keeping their connected hands over Bella's stomach. "Together," she nodded, a smile on her face.

A kiss sealed the promise, rendering it unbreakable.

 _ **. . .**_

 **It's not exact, I think, but I'm pretty sure I read a quote like that in the** _ **Mara Dyer**_ **series, the first book I believe.**


End file.
